30 Signs You Are Addicted to Golf

Here are 30 signs that you’re obsessed with golf:

You use an umbrella to work on your takeaway
When buying a carpet, you don’t care about color or material, only “Can I putt on it?”
You can’t remember all your fiancé’s friends, but can roll-call every Masters champion
You have an unusually strong opinion on white belts (or the interlocking grip)
The first week of April is your favorite holiday
You can’t explain Einstein’s theory of relativity but do know the Stableford equation
Deem only one word an expletive: “Shank”
Think Will Smith was robbed of an Oscar in “The Legend of Bagger Vance”
You constantly find yourself thinking, “This would make a great par 3”
You have some serious year-round tan lines
You’ve got annoying grass stains on all your shorts pockets
You’ve tried to put ball markers in vending machines
You watch “Tin Cup” every time it’s on TV
You know how many days it is until your next golf trip
You’d sacrifice one of your children to play Augusta National
Your first question when planning a vacation is “What good courses are nearby?”
You’re that guy being chased by the course employees when it gets too dark to play
To you, Adam Scott is a handsome golfer, not handsome actor
You find old tees in every pair of shorts
You tend to measure time in relation to the golf calendar
You always have an uncanny grasp of the 10-day forecast
You have a life-sized painting of Rich Lerner in your foyer at home.
The screensaver on your phone is a photo of some great golf course you’ve played or visited
When a car stops to let you cross the street, you wave to them like you’re Rory McIlroy after making a birdie at a golf tournament
The pro you take lessons from is your emergency contact
You name your pets after famous golf clubs
Your Pebble Beach polo is the nicest piece of clothing in your closet
You own both of John Daly’s country music albums
You ask “Where were you when Tiger hit the hydrant?” the way some people ask “Where were you when Armstrong landed on the moon?”
You refer to a successful job of parallel parking as a “green in regulation”